Stephy

Photo credit: ‘Quantum: the open journal for Quantum Science’

The world has been having a laugh at the Will Smith and Jada Pinket incident, where Jada Pinkett took herself to the Red table and admitted to having “an entanglement” with August Alsina. The Oxford online dictionary defines an entanglement as, ‘a complicated or compromising relationship or situation.’  The comments about the Red Table conversation are interesting to read. Many focus on how Will Smith has been betrayed and hurt by Jada. What caught my ear while watching the video, was Will’s comment after Jada said the affair happened when the relationship had been in a rocky place. Will said ‘I was tired of your ass’ to add context to the situation.

It is not shocking that the world attacks women when they have affairs, yet it is okay for men to have affairs. It has been rumoured that Will Smith has had or is having an affair with a model Heidi De la Rosa. Rumour has it that the couple has an open marriage but the couple denies this. Whether these rumours are true or not, my intention is not to fuel more gossip like tabloids and it is also none of my business.

I would just like to talk about real life situations and how many of us can relate to how affairs and situations happen. One video I watched a while back, Jada indicated that she felt bitter than she had to sacrifice her career ambitions for her family as Will continued to excel in his career. She took care of the kids and watched her husband become a star. On Jada’s 40th birthday party, Will threw a very flamboyant birthday party for her but she wasn’t thrilled as he expected her to be. Jada’s words were, ‘a ridiculous display of Will’s  Ego.’ It is clear that Will did not really know his wife well and I guess also he did not understand her frustrations.

Many women can relate to giving up their dreams for the family and secretly feeling unappreciated and to some extent jealous of their partner’s success. Women loose themselves and start living their husband’s dream. When the husband has an affair, the betrayal goes so deep as the woman feels like her sacrifice was for nothing. This is a scenario that happens in too many homes where women give up their dreams. Sadly, it has happened to me too. The man becomes successful and wealthy, starts taking his wife for granted, feels so powerful and before you know it, an affair blossoms. Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that women should not opt for stay at home mom careers or that it is only men who cheat.

Women who are betrayed in this sense sometimes feel like taking matters into their own hands and having an affair too.  Vengeance is their goal with an intention of getting back at their spouse even if their spouse is unaware of this. They also want to feel loved and alive and may look for love elsewhere when they don’t feel validated at home. Vengeance is a down hill fiasco as one painfully realises that two wrongs don’t make a right when you feel guilty about your actions. Always remember, we shall each give an account of how we lived our lives to God (Romans 14:12).

Let God fight your battles. He reminds us that, don’t repay anyone’s evil for evil, vengeance is his, he will repay on your behalf. (Romans 12:17,19) The journey after being betrayed by a spouse should be towards healing yourself. Get to know yourself again, revive your dreams, know that your worth and value are from God alone. He has a great plan for your future (Jeremiah 29:11). God loves you greatly, nothing can separate you from the love of God, no man, no situation, NOTHING (Romans 8:39). Remember to forgive yourself for making your relationship a small god and the center of your life.

I am on a soul searching journey and consuming alot of content on getting to know myself and my purpose. Some helpful you tube videos that I have watched are excerpts of conversations by Oprah Winfrey. If you have ever felt betrayed like me and you are still healing, join me in this self discovery journey. YOU CAN DO IT. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND VALUED.  Keep your head up high, fall in love with yourself and do what you were put on this earth to do. Going forward, ALWAYS PUT GOD FIRST IN YOUR LIFE. 

 

Photo: arvadachristian.org

All these things remain hope, faith, love, but love is the greatest of them all (1 Corinthians 13:13)

In an evil society like ours, instead of repaying evil done to you with more evil, we should choose love. A little love can melt a heart, awaken a conscience and show the beauty of life.  Romans 12:20 tells us that, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. It is easier to love than to hate. Too much energy is spent on hatred and vengeance which drains our souls and does not bring peace. Remember, God said leave vengeance for Him (Romans 12:19). He is a just God.

Love is the greatest gift that we can give, the weapon for world peace and a tool that frees you from evil, pain and disappointment of this world. Love conquers all and nothing can replace that feeling that love brings with it. Jesus came to teach us about love because he is love itself. He died because he loves us in order to give us a second chance, eternal life even though we are sinners. We keep disappointing Jesus, but he keeps loving us. He has taught us to emulate him by extending our love to others even if they irritate us, disappoint us or even break our hearts. We should therefore keep loving even when it is hard. We should always remain hopeful that the people who have wronged us can change. With God all things are possible (Luke 1:37). Love melts hardened hearts, heals wounds and gives hope to others. What do you choose, hate or love?

Laziness contradicts God’s plan for us on this earth. We were created to be fruitful in all ways. A tree that does not produce fruit is cursed (Mark 11:13-14). Laziness can be our best friend if we let it and can also be our stumbling block to progress. Our bodies naturally seek comfort, the easy way out in every given situation. I am at a place right now where laziness is trying to get the best of me.

Whether it is work or exercise, when we are lazy, we don’t see results. We must put in the work to achieve success. Hard work pays and the pain is just for a while. The results are worth all the pain and sacrifices. We need to constantly look at our dreams and motivate ourselves to fight laziness. The Holy Spirit is our helper who we can call on Him in times of need. When our spirit is willing, but our flesh fails us, a prayer can help to overcome laziness (Mark 14:38).

I pray ….

Dear Holy Spirit please give me strength, endurance, and perseverance to fight to the end. Give me your inspiration, words and wisdom to complete the work ahead of me. Give me the courage and confidence to be able to excel. Help me to remain humble in my success and to listen attentively to your divine inspiration and direction. To God be the glory. May His grace and favour abide in me.

As I sit at my desk at home working during the COVID 19 pandemic, I can hear my husband talking on his phone and laughing. He has been on phone for more than an hour. From his conversation, I can deduce that it a woman that he is speaking to. My suspicion, it is his mistress, but God forgive me because I do not want to judge and its none of my business. I don’t know why I am interested in what he is saying. I told God last year that I will no longer snoop or try to find out what is going on in his life. It has been nearly 10 years of a heart-breaking marriage.

Today is Good Friday, I should be reflecting on how Jesus died on the cross for ME and my sins. (Ephesians 1:7-10). That should be the prize that I should focus on. If I remain obedient to God, I will have eternal life despite my trials on this earth. I think the question God has been trying to ask me this week is why I want so much to be loved by a man and refuse to comprehend His unconditional and genuine love that never fails. This is a wake up call for me. Human beings disappoint us. My priorities are misplaced. If God is for me, who can be against me? If God wants me to know something, He will reveal it to me. There is no need to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations. You waste time that you can never recover. They say success is the best revenge, let me focus on the more important things then. To God be the glory.

Thus says the Lord, fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name: you are mine. (Isaiah 43:1).

Photo: ibelieve.com

Photo: myrenewedhope.com

It is a beautiful day today, better than yesterday. I have renewed hope that all shall be well. God seems to be talking to me, as everywhere I turn, I keep seeing and hearing, put your trust in God, do not be afraid and he will give you peace. Peace is the key to knowing that what you are going through is God’s will.

If you do not have peace, pray. These are wise words from a priest who told me that I don’t sound like someone who has peace. My quest this year has been to find peace and to pray for direction before I make any decisions. My soul be still. God help me to be still and to know that you are God (Psalms 46:10). I surrender all to you and I cannot do anything on my own strength. God help me to remember your word when my heart is troubled. I search for peace. Jesus, you left us with peace, and you gave us peace, not as the world gives. You said that I should not let my heart be troubled and that I should not be afraid (John 14:27). Help me to always remember this scripture. May my soul find rest in you.

I want to thank you Jesus for helping me to feel happy today. Help me to be a better person. Today is a new day with new possibilities, a new beginning and I can make a difference. There is so much worth fighting for. Keep me encouraged dear God. Holy Spirit be my guide and shine light on the path that I should follow. My guardian angel, watch over me. Mary mother of God, St Joseph, St Jose Maria and all the saints who lived their lives working with excellence for the glory of God, intercede for me.

Photo, crosswalk.com

I never understood why women my mother’s age were spiritually focused and very prayerful until I got married. St Peter does warn people who get married of challenges. The hindsight of this is that God is always there to help us cope. Marriages have all sorts of problems: finances, communication, intimacy and infidelity. These are categories that I can identify with and I know that they are challenges that most married people go through.

There is wisdom from older married women in how to cope with marriages by looking up to God. The challenge is that our mothers only tell us about their challenges only when we share our experiences. The reason they tell us this late perplexes me. Is it to preserve their marriage sanctity? Do they pray and hope for the best, that we will not go through the same? Or if they did tell us, we wouldn’t get married? Or even more noble, we will pick sides, camp dad or camp mum? One day I will ask my mother.

The comfort of sharing your challenges is that you discover that you are not alone, others are going through the same. Others are in worse situations and others have overcome their challenges and are in a better place. Whether the better place is life after divorce or reconciliation, suffering all comes to an end. There is life after and you shall survive this storm to tell a better story. You will smile once again, and you will have peace in your heart and soul.

For you ladies out there, be kind to each other because you do not know what your sister is going through. Do not let someone else’s misfortune be your entertainment. Tomorrow it could be you.

Photo, https://rivers.church/store/product/overcoming-our-limitations/

Laziness can be our best friend if we let it and can also be our stumbling block to progress. Our bodes naturally seek comfort, the easy way out in every given situation. Whether it is work or exercise, when we are lazy we don’t see results. We must put in the work to achieve success. Hard work pays and the pain is just for a while. The results are worth all the pain and sacrifices. We need to constantly look at our dreams, and motivate ourselves to fight laziness.

The Holy Spirit is our helper who we can call on Him in times of need. When our spirit is willing, but our flesh fails us, a prayer can help to overcome laziness. (Mark 14:38) Laziness contradicts God’s plan for us on this earth. We were created to be fruitful in all ways. A tree that does not produce fruit is cursed (Mark 11:13-14). I am at a place right now where laziness is trying to get the best of me.

I pray ….

Dear Holy Spirit please give me strength, endurance, and perseverance to fight to the end. Give me your inspiration, words and wisdom to complete the work ahead of me. Give me the courage and confidence to be able to excel. Help me to remain humble in my success and to listen attentively to your divine inspiration and direction. To God be the glory. May His grace and favour abide in me.

Photo, hooksound.com

Today is a refreshing morning without the scorching sun. It is a brand new day to make a difference, to fulfil my calling and find God. I feel the pressure and anxiety though that I might not live up to my true potential. The spirit of perfectionism and the fear of failure linger in my mind, but I will not them control me. I have God on my side, hope in Jesus and the Holy Spirit will guide me through. Jesus came on earth for people like me, procrastinators, indecisive, lazy, sinners, doubters…Just like Jesus’ disciples that were average fishermen, I am a nobody to the world but an important person in His eyes. Jesus works through average people. He uplifts the foolish to shame the wise. He has qualified me. In my weakness he gives me strength. I must trust him and let go of my fears. I should try to do my best and let God do the rest.

As I start my day, I pray for concentration, wisdom, perseverance and the Holy Spirit to guide me along the way. I commit my work to the Lord and hope to complete it with excellence. God reassures me that nothing is impossible with Him (Luke 1:37, Mark 9:23, Mark 10:27) . I rest on His promises. I have seen his glory in the past and I continue to trust that I will see more miracles.

 

 

Being disciplined is one of the hardest things to do. Discipline however can become a habit that we develop. Most times, our bodies want to do the exact opposite of what we want to achieve. Seeking your purpose, the will of God, can help you to try to develop discipline. They say it takes 21 days to develop a new habit. Patience is required in the journey towards self- improvement. One day at a time. Rome was not built in a day. When we fail, we pick up ourselves. We rebuild ourselves. Destroyed cities can be rebuilt, so can we. It is never too late to start again. Do not give up on yourself. Keep on going. Find your footing. Just like a baby trying to walk, one day you shall walk on your own.

All you need is the courage to keep trying. If you can get people to cheer you on, surround yourself with them. This encouragement will get you far. Stay motivated. Read, listen to podcasts, consume positive material that will keep you on your course. Do not forget to write down your progress and to reward yourself. We are all in the same journey of improving ourselves. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Enjoy the ride as you become a better you. Try to live up to your calling, your purpose as a Christian, professional, father, mother, sister, brother, or friend. The world is and will be a better place with you living to your highest potential.

‘It is better to try and fail than to not try at all’ William O’Brien

Photo, pixabay.com

When we stop trying to be perfect, we set out hearts free. The fear of not being perfect stops us from moving forward. We fail to put in effort as we fear that we will not get it right the first time. A little at a time is all that we need to reach completion. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. If you trust in God and believe that he has good plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11), you should do your best and leave the rest to him.

 

My fear has been in the writing process. A brief background about myself, I am a researcher required to publish academic journal articles on a regular basis. The research that I have done and information that I have collected is sufficient. My fear for writing however has been my greatest obstacle to meeting my goals and success. I have failed to trust God and that I shall see his glory if I believe. If only I could let go of the fear and start the writing process. Confidence has ceased to be a natural instinct for many (including me) and needs to be relearnt. Look at how children perceive themselves before they are corrupted by the world. I need to constantly remind myself that I can achieve greatness, however, I need to: put God first, commit my work to Him, dream and put action into my dreams.

 

There can be no progress unless you put some effort into something. Faith without works is dead (James 2:14-17). I must remind myself to write even if it is a sentence, as it is a mere sentence that begins a great story, a masterpiece, a legacy. All I need is God, to trust that I can do all things that he has put me on this earth to do through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). He has great plans for me and has given me sufficient grace according to the gifts that he has generously given me (Ephesians 4:7-8). Dear Lord, help me to discover my gifts and to use them to your glory always. May I find the courage and confidence to execute my dreams. AMEN.